I once received a bad Hallmark greeting card (is there any other kind?) which said, in part, ‘in a relationship the little things are the big things’. Despite the rest of the card’s sentiments being bilious I was forced to agree that, in this case, the card’s author got this bit at least right.
Aside: who writes the copy for these cards? No doubt a desperate out-of-work writer. Do they put a collection of these cards in their portfolio? Or do they just thank the publishing gods that the cards have no by-line, so they are not publicly named and shamed?
Anyway I digress....
I am thinking a lot at the moment about how the little things really are the big things. The Country Mouse and I share the big things: birthdays, a familial wedding and 21st, Christmas, New Year and soon to be our first anniversary (awwww.....), but we don’t share the little things. This was sharply brought home to me recently when the Country Mouse made his first mid-week visit to Sydney.
He saw me in my work clothes and later in my normal evening routine and commented on a number of things about my routine (none of them complimentary, but that is for another post on another day). And it struck me that in our almost year together he has never seen me acting out my daily routines; the utter normalcy of me coming home from work is something we don’t share.
The Country Mouse has no idea what I do in the evening five nights out of seven. Likewise I have very little concept of him coming in the door from his work, or what his nightly routine is before or after we have our customary long phone call. His weekly evenings are as foreign to me as mine are to him. This bothers me.
I live in the Inner West with a dear friend who is part Italian Earth Mother, part Culinary Goddess. She has a new beau, The Gardener, and it’s been fascinating to watch a regular relationship take shape. Not so long ago they progressed to the mid-week visit; that point in togetherness when the time between weekends gets too long and a mid-week starts to happen naturally. I enthused to her about the significance of the mid-week visit and although I think she remains unconvinced, I see it as a relationship milestone.
I feel sorry for myself and the Country Mouse that we will never have the mid-week visit - sometimes we don’t even have weekly visits. Let alone spontaneous visits. Or an ‘you-obviously-have-had-a-shit-of-a-day-and-so-I-am-going-to-come-over-and-cheer-you-up’ visit.
Other things bother me, such as being asked what the Country Mouse is up to and having to answer truthfully that I don’t know. Much of his week remains a mystery to me. Do you want to know how much trust you have between yourself and your beloved? Try a long distance relationship it’s the definition of faith, hope and trust.
I need an inspirational solution to a knotty problem. Wonderful ideas anyone?
Hi, better late than never! I can relate to the homecoming - it certainly makes your day easier. Although I have had a wonderful 11 year relationship, there was a period where we only saw each other on weekends & on a Friday night driving home through rain sleet & no snow it was my light in a very dismal week. In short for two years I lived part-time with my Mother & commuted every weekend back to Kempsey (I should have major shares in every petrol company going), fortunately come 2008 we made the sad decision to leave Kempsey & relocate to Rutherford & going home from work had just got better (going home to your Mother just does not have the same effect!). Now every night is a treasure, so patience my dear mice it will happen! just believe it will & it will happen :)
ReplyDeleteSimplicity is the only response i could give. Simply look at the things you do when you come home..kick off your shoes, get yourself a drink of some sort ie alcoholic/caffeine based/etc, flop in a chair for a while, do any little (emphasis on little) odd job that needs doing like putting on a load of washing/throwing out a pile of newspapers/etc, get yourself some dinner, watch some tv, have a shower, go to bed.
ReplyDeleteAll the normal things you or anyone else would do once home that is exactly what country mouse would be doing. To make it easier to imagine him doing these things why not ask him what he usually does when he comes home, then, when you're doing your stuff you could use your imagination to include him in your evening doing his stuff alongside you.
Maybe you could put on a cd of guitar music and imagine that it's the country mouse plucking at his guitar.